It’s the holiday season and its the time of year when stress levels can run high and relationships can be tested. Triggers are abound, and spending time with family can bring out the worst in us.

This can lead to us taking out our pain or hurt on those that are closest to us, and that’s why I thought I should talk about this topic that’s just as important as crushing your workouts, if not more so —building resilience.

Life will throw curveballs, and it's not always about how hard you hit the ball but how well you can take a hit and keep moving forward.

Now, building resilience isn't just about physical strength; it's about mental and emotional fortitude too and as I mentioned above, one particular area where this resilience gets tested regularly is in our relationships.

We all have those triggers—those buttons that, when pushed, can send us into a tailspin, and even though our partner or those closest to us may have not been the ones to “install” those buttons, they can often be on the receiving end of our upset.

Fear not, because I've got some tips to help you navigate those relationship landmines and come out stronger on the other side. This is where you truly get to build resilience in your life.

First things first, embrace the chaos. Life is messy, relationships are messy, and guess what? That's okay! You're not always going to see eye to eye with your partner, and that's normal. Your partner will never be perfect, and for that matter neither will you.

Resilience comes from accepting that things won't always go according to plan, and your partner won’t always be the person you think they should be. That’s ok, because resilience is about learning to roll with the punches and to embrace all aspects of life and relationship while also learning from these challenges.

Next up, it's time to practice gratitude. I talked about the importance of a gratitude practice in last weeks blog and how it has changed my life (if you missed it, click here). When you find yourself knee-deep in an argument or feeling triggered, take a step back and think about the things you appreciate in your partner.

It's easy to focus on the negatives, but shifting your perspective to the positives can make a world of difference. Remember why you fell in love in the first place and use that as a foundation to work through the tough times.

If you are unable to do that because emotions are too high and raw, then tell your partner you need some time to cool off, and then come back to them with your appreciations and acknowledgements.

Now, let's talk about communication. I'm not just talking about talking; I'm talking about active listening. It's a two-way street, my friend. When you're triggered, it's crucial to express your feelings, but it's equally important to listen, I mean TRULY LISTEN to your partner's perspective.

This isn't a competition of who can talk louder or make a better point—it's about understanding each other. The act of listening can help your partner feel heard and seen. This is one of the most supportive actions you can take.

Click here to check out a recent Tony Talks where I share about my bad habit of interrupting others and how I will now work on listening better.

And speaking of understanding, let's touch on empathy. Put yourself in your partner's shoes. We're all human, and we all make mistakes. Instead of jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst, try to understand where your partner is coming from. This not only builds resilience in your relationship but also strengthens the bond between you two.

This is one of the reasons why I loved Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements so much. One of the agreements is Take Nothing Personal, which is HUGE when it comes to our relationships. Even if it feels personal, chances are it isn’t.

Now, here's a tough one: learn to let go and forgive. Holding onto grudges and past mistakes only weighs you down. It's like trying to do a pull-up with a backpack full of rocks—it's not going to work. Forgiveness is a powerful tool for building resilience. It doesn't mean you're condoning bad behavior; it means you're choosing to move forward and not let the past dictate your future. I know this is easier said than done, but forgiveness truly does set us free; whereas holding on keeps us imprisoned.

Finally, folks, remember to take care of yourself. Just like in fitness, you can't pour from an empty cup. Make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking time for self-care whatever that means for you! When you're physically and mentally strong, you're better equipped to handle the challenges that come your way.

In conclusion, building resilience in relationships is a lot like building muscle in the gym. It takes time, effort, and consistency.

Embrace the challenges, practice gratitude, communicate effectively, show empathy, learn to let go, and take care of yourself. Life is always going to be life, and with the right mindset, you can conquer anything that comes your way!